Halfway through the Joyous Health Business course and I’m feeling the nerves and anxiety. What if I can’t finish? Deadline is approaching…
I promised to post about my educational comings and goings this week, but when I sat down to write, it was more difficult than I thought it would be.
Distraction and procrastination was so much easier. I’d end up cooking, crafting, or listening to a podcast.
Basically, I didn’t want to write.
I have no idea why it was so hard to write this post, I’ve achieved a lot so far when it comes to my learnings.
First, I finished a quest called “The Mastery of Sleep” on Mindvalley. Now I have a better understanding of when my bedtime should be, and how my morning routine should look.
From a knowledge perspective, it’s pretty cool.
That was win #1.
Old Goals, New Fears
Win #2 – I signed up for a speaking quest to gain confidence in public speaking. Since motivational speaking is one of my goals, I thought I should learn how to inspire whilst being confident in doing so.
We’ll see how that goes. Two days in, and I’m already super nervous and not overly excited about the prospect of creating videos on social media platforms.
Those are my educational feats, and I can count a third feat: I’m halfway through a course.
This was a 12 week course that started in September and finished in December, but as those were my moving months, it got put on hold.
But I’m at the halfway mark now, so go me!
On to the educational fears… and the reason for the constant procrastination in writing today.
What if I can’t do it? What if I don’t finish? What if I’m not good enough?
These fears, and not the schoolwork itself, are causing me so much stress and anxiety. The biggest fear is that I’m wasting my time and this will all be for nothing.
That might happen. If so, that’s ok. I’m trying not to dwell on that.
It’s OK to Let Go
When I first enrolled in these courses/schools, I had big ambitions.
My goal was to turn my blog (yes, this blog) into a full time career, where I could quit my day job, and live off of it, since this is what I love to do.
The more I studied, the more homework I did, the more I realized that it might not be a possibility. That was a big blow to my ego.
Life got in the way, and education was put on hold, and after about 6 months, I was able to pick it up again.
But a lot can happen in six months, and my needs/wants/goals all changed.
I don’t want this blog to be a full time career. I don’t want to quit my day job. I don’t want this love to be stress-inducing.
Mental Health and Me can be a hobby and a passion, and with any luck (scratch that, it’s hard work, not luck), I might even be able to turn this into some sort of money generator.
Maybe that will be a goal for the future.
Pushing for the Finish Line
When I look at my 2020 resolution goals, nowhere does it say, “sell a product or service”. It also doesn’t say, “make money blogging”.
My biggest goal is to finish what I had already started. Courses. Quests. Books. Projects.
I want to gain some confidence. I want to push myself a little, but not so much that I break. I want to learn where that line is before I cross it.
So I’m going to finish this course, and not worry if it doesn’t turn me or my blog into a source of income.
Maybe that was the original goal when I signed up, but a lot has changed since then.
I will finish. I will think about the next step after I complete this first one. That’s it.
And you can help me! All I need is a cheering squad.
Occasionally I’ll ask for conversation, but for now, just knowing that I have people in my corner, rooting me on, is all I need to succeed.