I’m a failure. I’ve had a few setbacks this last week, and it’s put me behind schedule.
First, I haven’t been meeting my daily goals.
My New Year’s Resolution has me reading, writing, pampering, meditating, and walking each and every day.
However, these last few days I’ve struggled to get out of bed, never mind any of the resolutions.
Second, I threw a virtual party (as a consultant, not a host) and I didn’t meet the required sales volume in order for the party to qualify.
Sigh.
Basically, I struggle to get out of bed, and then the things I am able to accomplish, I don’t do well.
Isn’t that sad?
The Pressure We Put on Ourselves
This started last weekend. I found myself in the hospital yet again. More heart complications.
This was a little different this time, where I felt a steady consistent pain, one that wasn’t getting worse, but also wasn’t going away. I spent the entire day in the hospital.
That was my leap day. Not a tradition I was hoping to start.
On Sunday, I had to play catch-up around the house. I had to do all the chores and laundry that I normally do in two days, all in one.
Sunday night, after dinner, I then had to travel three hours south, because I had a doctor’s appointment first thing Monday morning.
After work, I travelled the three hours home, took all the new drugs I’d been given over the past 3 days, and then crashed. Hard.
The rest of the week was somber. Trying to adjust to the new medications, trying to work, trying to move through my day to day activities… life just seemed hard.
First, I stopped reading.
Then I stopped writing.
Then I stopped walking.
Then I stopped giving myself the daily facial.
Finally, I stopped meditating.
Each day I dropped something off my list of things to do. And I sunk lower and lower into depression.
Just like last year, after I quit doing all these things, weeks progressed, and then months, and I lost myself.
And yes, I feel like a failure.
When We Take Away Our Routine
These are the things that I do each day that give me purpose and make me feel clean and accomplished.
Think of your daily routine, the things you do out of habit. Maybe it’s wake up, brush your teeth, make coffee, read the newspaper.
Maybe you can’t start your day without those habits.
Now take them away.
How do you feel? Lost? Sad? Dirty?
Seriously, imagine your morning without toothpaste. Pretty gross, right?
That’s exactly how I feel without meditation.
My morning routine is usually, brush teeth, give myself a facial, meditate…. then my day can begin.
So I feel gross without starting my day that way, and it sets the path on the rest of the day feeling pretty gross too. It just doesn’t get better.
Basically I set my day up for terrible by skipping a few basic steps.
Not to mention the failure I felt like after my party failed. Once again, I learned that I’m not very good at sales.
Stop. Pause. Breathe. Take a minute. Say to yourself, I am not a failure.
I Am Not a Failure
This is me talking to myself here, but if you’re having a hard day or hard week or hard life, I want you to do that too.
Take a minute to reflect, not on the negative but on the positive.
I woke up every day. I survived another heart issue. I completed the party that I feared doing.
I did it.
Who cares what the total volumes were, I freaking did it!
Yes, I had a few bad days, but I know that I’m going to turn them around.
So this morning, guess what I did? I started my day right.
- I brushed my teeth, I washed my face, I meditated.
- I took my new pills.
- I listened to one of my quests.
- I wrote a blog (yes, this one), and now I’m about to take a phone call (more on this phone call later).
One step at a time. It’s ok to have bad days. Pause, breathe, reflect.
Focus on all the good that you do and all the good that you have.
I have air to breathe, water to drink, a roof over my head, and a family who loves me. I survived some heart complications. I have a good life.
I am not a failure. I am allowed rest. I am allowed to feel not at my best. I am human.
We can get through our dark days together. Don’t give up.
Email me if you’re having a great day, or if you’re having a bad day, or if you’re having a nothing-at-all day.
Give yourself permission to be human and feel what you’re feeling.
The future will be better. The present is pretty good too.
Think positively!